


Life After Sam

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Finding Home Away From Home (GQ/NB Dean Winchester with Shadow Moon Fics) [17]
Category: American Gods (TV), American Gods - Neil Gaiman, Norse Religion & Lore, Once Upon a Time (TV), Supernatural
Genre: (but not only poetry), Absent John Winchester, Alternate Universe - Peter Pan Fusion, Background Dean Winchester/Shadow Moon, Dark Peter Pan, Dead Sam, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dean is Tinker Bell, Dean raised Sam, Dean ruminates on the past, Evil Peter Pan, Evil Sam, Flashback, Gen, POV Dean Winchester, POV Second Person, Past Character Death, Peter Pan Sam, Poetry, Previous Attempted Murder, References to Atttempted Murder, Sam is Peter Pan in this universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 18:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12018507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Missing even the people who hurt you the worst.





	Life After Sam

**Author's Note:**

> In this universe, Dean killed Sam in self defense. I'm sorry. I know. We all love Sam (or else what are we doing here). This is not a Sam vs. Dean debate. I have other universes that are different. And I have plenty of Sam POV fic (trust me). This is not that 'verse, so.... note that Sam has already died, and I am not sure if he will have an ability to be resurrected in this 'verse or not, it depends how long I go on writing this for. So...there is no Sam and he does not actually die in this fic.

The thing is--  
\--you do miss Sam--  
\--of course you do--  
\--and always will.

And that’s how the inside of you feels.

Sam was the terror in your gut because  
You were always in charge and always wrong

He was the scream  
Always the scream  
Going off in the back of your head

Do it or else

And the thing  
The person  
Who always  
Blew you all  
The whole way  
All apart

\--

You try to tell Shadow. You do miss Sam. You’ll always miss Sam. A deep ache at the back of everything you do, the reminder of the time you failed, failed so colossally that now Sam is dead.

Sam is dead, and maybe he set out in the end to murder you, all in green--green--green, like he was the spring and you were winter, but hadn’t Odin said there had been a chance? That he was--he was your Sam and he was Odin’s Sam, like Odin and Loki, like brothers, like really brothers, pulled from the same womb, the same mother. And had Sam always been destined to be bad somehow or had--

\--maybe it was--

\--just your mistake.

And now Sam was dead.

And you will always miss Sam, the small being who had followed behind you at every step no matter where you went--sure, undermining your confidence in his tiny way, like a goddamn Chuckie doll.

But he was your Sam.

And now, after a tiny thing like attempted murder 

(and you don’t care if he would have succeeded)

Sam is dead.

(you try to care that he didn’t and sometimes you succeed at that)

Sam is dead.

*~*~*

You cry yourself to sleep, and when Shadow can hear you you pretend not to know he’s turned over to look in your direction or taken you in his arms.

You don’t deserve comfort now, not on nights like this.

Not when you can’t hold it all in, not when you miss Sam.

Definitely not when what Sam deserves is to be missed.


End file.
